Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
