The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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