My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
