i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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