quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
