just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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