mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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