Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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