Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
