i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
