so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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