i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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