The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
