Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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