Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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