It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
