There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
