1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
