i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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