At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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