You're my little dorito
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
