I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to have your abortion
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
