You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
