he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
