Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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