He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
