so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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