dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
