look no pants
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
