Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
