Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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