Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
