bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
