dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
