i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Floor bacon is actually really good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
