talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
