Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
