how can u be prego again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
