The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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