Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
