I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
