im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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