Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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