I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
they need to just BURY HIM!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
