I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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