u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
