I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
