Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
