I seem to have left my pride at pride
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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