Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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