You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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