At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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