I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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