i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
