Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
